Friday, June 27, 2014

Where to start?

Ok, so I'm fairly new at this whole 'blogging' thing.. but I need an outlet. Someone, or.. I guess, something that I can vent to & just let all my emotions out on.

I'll probably talk about my past relationships & bring up names here & there that aren't anyone's REAL names. I think initials will suffice. e.g. CV, BP, CH, KH, KQ, & the most recent, ER.

So I guess I'll just start with a date. Specifically November 28th, 2012. The day I thought I had found the love of my life.. It's almost been two years since that date. Hell, probably a year & a half since I've seen him. I miss him. :/ & not his personality, nor the way that he treated me. But simply just seeing him almost everyday. I want to say he has a girlfriend now. & as time goes on I do get better. I'm just anxious & am terrified for the day that I might see him again... If & when that happens.. I'll keep you posted ;) ... You guys, I put a love letter on the kids windshield :P

I do miss & think about BP almost everyday. But he lives two time zones away. & the more I look back & stalk his profiles, the more I'm like "Ok, you're weird..." it's TOTALLY one of those situations where you look back & can't quite put your finger on what you were thinking.. I'll always care about him tho.. I just recently followed him back on Instagram.

Ok... you might hear about this one quite a bit... Or maybe not.. I'm just SO SICK & tired hearing about how amazing & cute KH & his "husband to be" are.. & to be quite honest, I did like him A LOT. & maybe it is jealousy that makes me so bitter.. but just the fact that those two come up EVERYWHERE in my life ALL OF THE TIME makes me insane!!! I'm to the point where I'm not even happy for them. I blocked them on Facebook. & try my best to just avoid them! Cuz they are good together & it makes me envy their relationship, but I made the mistake of following their "instagram page" that they share (kinda cheesy, right?)  &... it kind of left me heartbroken & dumbfounded. I hated seeing them together & I guess I always will.. & after writing that, I hope to never hear from or see either of them again. :)

Now, to the new guy... ugh.. WHERE TO START!? I met him through the same app I met my ex boyfriend, KQ ( who I don't care to talk about.. or CH for that matter) & at first, I came across as a psychopath... which I will soon be sorry for ;).. but he gave me another chance. I messaged him on Facebook & he instantly responded saying that he was forgiving & that he'd give me another chance.. Long story short, we met up on the night of June 18th. He picked me up in his sexy truck. We went for a drive & listened to music. We sat parked by this random field that had a "For Sale" sign in the middle of it haha. He then said that he wanted to kiss me really bad. & sparks flew. We ended up getting all hot in the back. He asked me to be his boyfriend..the first night!! & we had already decided on "our" song. (Ten Feet Tall) & everything was magical.... for me, at least. "all I can say is I was enchanted to meet you..."
Next day, we meet up again & this time, he takes me to his house. I meet his awesome mom, his stand-offish brother & his cute sister :) We make out in his bed & as this whole thing is going down, I start to think about us more in depth. & how perfect we were together... I don't know, it all just made sense.
We took the cutest snap chat together in his sisters jeep :) even though we didn't know how to take the top of it off!!! haha..
....as I'm writing this I texted him about this blog...& he's replying.. I won't read it until after tho..
Anyway! The night of the 25th, it was our one week, he picked me up. I had brought a blanket & one of my sweaters that I sprayed my cologne all over for him.. he picked me up & took me off-roading & up this mountain. Near the top, he pulls off & I see the most beautiful sunset & an open field!! I tried to tweet it but he just kept kissing me haha. We make out for a while, give each other blow jobs & the proceed to the back to watch Harry Potter. The feeling is amazing & we kept cuddling in all sorts of positions. We end up getting naked, but have the most self control we had to not have sex. We get dressed & cuddle in his truck bed.. We didn't finish the movie, because throughout the process of the entire date he was like, acting all rushed & panicked. I met his friend & she was dramatic at first, but come to find out she liked me :) & we ended the night with him telling me that he can't see me everyday & that I need to relax... which leads to the next day where he tells me he only felt something the first night. That we're going in different directions & that we moved too fast with it..

Of course, I sat in my car & bawled. Over by the lake as it rained.. I let out a good cry & then drove over to my softball games.. second week in this league. & I don't know, the game is just an escape. Met a REALLY cute, serious & quiet boy on my team. We talked a bit back & fourth & he was smiling at me a couple times. Light blue eyes, dark hair & tan skin... <3 just mmm. & he kicked ass. But I then noticed that I wasn't thinking about my current situation. & when I got home, I let it out again & we texted back & fourth. He told me he still wanted a friendship to see if it could progress.. & right now, it is very up & down with me & him. We hadn't talked all day (which is weird) until I text him about this blog. No more calling him babe, or kissing him, blah blah blah :( He's got a lot on his mind & he told me that, but I'm so sick of getting my hopes up & not feeling good enough.. "..tell me it's All Alright" - song was released right when I needed it :)

I've typed long enough & hopefully I put enough detail for me to remember haha. But I mainly started this blog because... I just feel something is different about this one... & I know that sounds super cliche but I can't help but think I'm right... I guess we will see... Until next time!