...& I thought I was gonna see Brock tonight. Haha, who am I kidding right? I get it. "He's busy". Well so am I but I still want to make an effort to see you.. & you talk like you want to too, but, I don't know.. You really are so distant lately.. & I feel as though you still talk to your ex, Kevin, & as much as I want to say that that wouldn't bother me, it totally would. I just don't think I have a chance anymore.. With anyone. I feel super insecure lately. With my body, my lonely life & pretty much with any guy that I talk to. & it's crazy because I don't think I'm that bad!! Brock is way out of my league, but even the guys who aren't really that great won't even look at me.. Hmm. What am I doing wrong? I think I might lay low for a while. I need to SERIOUSLY just do me for a short while & stop freaking reaching out to people who don't care regardless.
There's so many people I want to meet still & try to build friendships with.. But I think something is wrong with me.. I know I shouldn't be thinking that way but what other way should I think? It was my 10th day in a row at work & I've got two more days to go. I can focus on that. & working out especially.. I gotta get on a good grind & do it for me.
I've got a crush on Brock & we all know it's because I fall so fast. I need to cool it & just..well, not talk to him. I definitely lead a lonely life..haha sadly.. But I am getting used to it. Music & family helps. Even though my own family is insane. My sister reached out today through text. HA.. How convenient.. I'm actually so in the dark today with things & im glad I kinda got my mind off of it. This next month, I'm gonna make my bitch! It's me time! Although it's always that time.. I still miss Chris, ya know? It'll be 3 years this fall.. Crazy.. Haha I'm crazy.. Pushing through each day like always. I'm trying :) goodnight. 😚
🎶 & everyone is lookin' around thinking that I'm goin' crazy💙🎶
PS ....starting in the morning, I will not be reaching out to anyone.. 😊😉
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