Tuesday, July 28, 2015

We could be heroes.

Hello again! Today wasn't a bad day at all! Visited Syd & cute little Zayn. Danced around with Jordan. :) it's been a while since Brock & I have talked a bunch & the last few days we've talked here & there. (I start all the conversations now, of course) ... But it doesn't feel the same. Busy or not, he still checks Facebook & won't text me back. He doesn't send me pictures back like he used to.. It's like he's already getting over the thought of me.. I know I shouldn't care but I do. Because it's a repetitive process.. I don't even really want to meet him cuz I know how it's going to go. My heart will get involved & I'll fall for him & he'll turn away & won't ever look back.. 

A few nights ago, I had an amazing time with Hayden. Met him, went skinny dipping ;) which was a blast! Went to his brothers place & met his cute kitten. We drank, got a little frisky, & it was incredibly hot. Shower time, nakey time &... Sex. Took his virginity.. & then, I'm sure you could guess the ending of this one. He basically told me that he wasn't interested in a boyfriend yet he talked about how he hopes we both meet someone someday. Oh, & also to pretend that night never happened.. Awesome, right? 

I don't understand how it always happens to me? I'm seeing an awful pattern & one I really don't like. I meet a guy, he gets interested in me/meets me, then loses interest... It's so discouraging & im so sick of feeling so down on myself & always thinking that I'm not good enough... This is strange to say, but I can relate to R&H's Cinderella.. Own little corner :) a place I can be myself & feel like I've got a chance.. "You think the prince will take one look at you & fall madly in love? Know your place & be satisfied with what you've got." Harsh advice, but also, I may follow it. 

I can't complain much, cuz I honestly love my life. Love my parents, my friends, select family, & job! I like to work because it gets my mind off of things (when it's busy) .. I've been loving the song Herous lately.. Hence the title. Because I love the words. Hiding away with your loved one yet saving the day & keeping such a big secret from everyone yet having that together. :) so cute. Still hopeful!!

I'm starting to miss people lately too. Thinking about the past. Makay & Chris.. Strange right? I can still picture being with them. I'm just crazy ok!? ;) haha.. My heart needs to learn to be ok with what I've got. Life is good.. & hey. YOU. If you're even out there.. We could be heroes. ❤️

No comments:

Post a Comment